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Wednesday, 15 April 2009

"i'm trying to lose weight. i've been walking every day, doing crunches, sit ups, everything i could do in my room -- but my dad is making it so hard. we had kfc for dinner one night, mcdonalds the next, and taco bell the night after that. i don't want to live off of fast food anymore. but, for some reason, i don't have the heart to tell him that i can't eat that way."

"I've finally told my best friend all of my secrets I ever kept from her. She did the same for me. I feel so much closer to her now, but I still haven't told her one thing... I still love her. I don't think she'll ever know."
"I think I'm falling out of love with my boyfriend. He still tells me he loves me, and I don't know how to respond anymore. Moreover, I don't know how to get the love I had for him back."

"The biggest thing that prevents me from killing myself is knowing that my dog will be left all alone. However the pitifulness of that sometimes incites the thoughts more. Vicious cycle really."
"Tonight, I told you I felt ugly. My friends said, "Go to your girlfriend. She'll make things better." So I did. And you didn't make me feel better at all. You aren't a very good girlfriend."

"today when i was having lunch with my friend, we were talking about something funny, then i laughed so hard that the rice flew outta my mouth. my friend laughed out loud, then she said she's sorry. i was kinda embarrassed, yet i pretended that i did't care and said, it's okay, you can laugh."

"I fear my ex-boyfriend fathered my ex-best friend's baby. I asked him and he denied every bit of it. Though, I know he wouldn't be up front about it anyways. I despise him at times, randomly. This is probably the reason. *Sigh.*"

"I have an intense dislike for girls who claim they are so 'in love with' and can not live with out their boyfriends. I don't think any of these teenage girls know what it is like to live with the possibility that their boyfriends might not come home from war. My 18 year old bestfriend, convieniently also my boyfriend has just joined the navy and i am so scared he's going to get hurt. I sometimes wonder what these girls would do if they were in my position. I wish i could rewind and spend every memory with him again because i don't want him to leave me here."

Sorry this has taken me so long, life took a turn for the not-so-appetizing worst.
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Thursday, 26 March 2009

The chip thang

I am six feet tall, 135 pounds on a heavy day and terrified of being fat despite the fact I've never been able to gain weight.

I lose respect for anyone who sends me a forward by text or e-mail or does those stupid, narcissistic, attention whoring facebook notes like "25 things about me"

A friend once said "I don't understand why people use facebook to share their thoughts, it's so stupid." And now I hate him because he'd rather have 500 friends he never spoke to outside of superficial greetings instead of 1 who occasionally writes rambling notes.

I lied to DYFS about my father abusing me when i was 11 yrs old, thinking i could go live with my mom. I have been in various fosterhomes for 3 yrs. Im 14, and finally came to the realization that my mother has schizophrenia. Surprisingly, my Dad still loves me and i will be seeing him soon. I feel extremely guilty.
i'm trying to lose weight. i've been walking every day, doing crunches, sit ups, everything i could do in my room -- but my dad is making it so hard. we had kfc for dinner one night, mcdonalds the next, and taco bell the night after that. i don't want to live off of fast food anymore. but, for some reason, i don't have the heart to tell him that i can't eat that way.

Friday, 20 March 2009

I posted the Gerber widget on accident...

And I don't know how to get rid of it. Oh well. Sorry I've been skimpy on the posts. Spring Break in Cincinnati deprived me of a computer but here is the update I'm sure you've been hungry for.

"i slept in my mother's bed until i was eleven years old. "

"i don't want to waste my time any longer. i want to do something productive... help someone out. i just don't know how to do it. "

"one of my friends is having suicidal thoughts and i don't know how to help her."

"I slept with a married man, blamed it on the death of one of my best friends, and my lack of judgement because of the pain. Then I proceeded to sleep with him several other times. Now I'm friends with his wife, and assure her nothing happened and that I'm not interested in her husband. When really I am."

"My cousin molested me when I was 6 years old, and I've never told anyone."

"I've had an eating disorder since I was 11... I keep hoping i'll become anorexic again, I don't know why. But now my fear is that i'm becoming bulimic. I don't know what to do, and how to save myself, but i'm too scaredt to admit I have a problem and ask for help."

"My mother is paying for an ultrasound she didn't know I had done. Sure she knew I was getting one, but they did an invasive one because I'm not a virgin and she still think I am."

Thank you again for messaging me secrets. If you'd like yours posted, send it to me in a message and I will delete it upon posting and leave no trace back to you.
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